It has been two weeks since my last post and since Lucas and Abel went to Romania to their grandparents on vacation. In this time Josua had days were he was really good and days were his mucus and cough was so bad, that he couldn’t breathe through the nose and again would not eat and drink. Unfortunately this has become the new normal since he was sick with influenza.There are moments when I must feed him with the syringe , and 10 minutes after he vomites all out from his cough. We try to make the best of it, but sometimes I could explode.These are the moments where all the bad thoughts and all the negative stuff comes into my mind. Since Josua was born, I am tied to the house, the moments where me and my husband get to get out, just the two of us, are rare. Sometimes I just wish I can have a normal life, where we can go like a normal family to the zoo, swimming or other trips. Sometimes I wish he could sit, hold his head up and crawl. I want to go on vacation without worrying where the next hospital is, if he gets sick, or how we manage the flight and car ride because the most comfortable way for him is laying down. There are times when reality hits you, and you begin to focus on the bad things instead of the good.We started bringing him out more often, short trips to the store, with the car, church, so he gets used to it.
like I said before in my posts, I choose to stay positive, I choose to believe that Josua will be healed, I choose to hope,but you see…it isn’t enough to make this decision once, we need to make this decision every day, in every circumstance, evrytime you lose hope.
I was reading in the bible about the people of Israel… God led them out of Egypt but they were always ungrateful and always saw the bad things.They wanted to go back over and over again every time they faced a problem. They didn’t see the good things God did for them. He gave them manna and water and meat, but this wasn’t enough for them. Now as I read the story I see how often we are exactly the same. God kept his promise and brought them to the promised land, but the people lost their hope on the way.
If you are reading this, I know that you have times when you go through the same thing. You don’t have my problems but some other kind of problems. Take your time to feel sad and to cry, it is ok. But don’t forget to look up again and to see the bright side and the good things. Remember all the miracles He has done and strengthen your faith ! Focus on the Word of God because he never lets you fight the fight alone. Fill your heart with His word, because spending time with Him gives you the strength to overcome any problem.
In all the bad times, I always saw God’s presence all along, He gives each one of us the ability to go forward. Let’s try to be grateful whatever our circumstance is. Don’t give up and don’t lose hope. Sometimes we don’t recognize our blessing from the beginning and while we wait for God to fulfill His promise , we often lose our hope and are discouraged.
How beautiful it says in Ecclesiastes 3 : There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh,a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time for war and a time for peace.
He has made everything beautiful in its time.